I'm thankful for...

 

...and so much more!

Thy Way, Not Mine

I said: "Let me walk in the field";
God said: 'Nay, walk in the town";
I said: "There are no flowers there";
He said: "No flowers, but a crown."

I said: "But the sky is black,
There is nothing but noise and din";
But He wept as He sent me back,
"There is more," He said, "there is sin
I said: "But the air is thick,
And fogs are veiling the sun";
He answered: "Yet souls are sick,
And souls in the dark undone."

I said: "I shall miss the light,
And friends will miss me, they say";
He answered me, "Choose tonight,
If I am to miss you, or they."
I pleaded for time to be given;
He said: "Is it hard to decide?
It will not seem hard in Heaven
To have, followed the steps of your Guide."
I cast one look at the fields,
Then set my face to the town;
He said: "My child, do you yield?
Will you leave the flowers for the crown?"
Then into His hand went mine,
And into my heart came He;
And I walk in a light Divine,
The path I had feared to see.
--George MacDonald

AVI

Before I came to Davao I had been in contact with Mr. David Evans, Director of the Agdao Violin Institute. He asked that if I had anytime would I help out with the institute? Would I?! Of course! I was honored and have had such a great time! The children are really good, I'm actually not much of a help for the more advanced students but I think they enjoy playing for the white american. :-) They children have actually taught me all I know about the cello. They really enjoy being able to help one another. It has been so much fun playing with them, singing and just hanging out together. The children here are so motivated... most of them play not only the violin but the guitar, viola, and cello. They are in desperate need of teachers. The advanced students don't even have a teacher right now. Most of them don't even own an instrument, they have to come to the school to practice. They practice on Mon, Weds, and Fri and have lessons on Sat. In between the Sat. lessons they have a group bible study for the kids. It has been a blessing hearing the children sing and read the verses out loud in visayan. They also have a snack and play a game together afterwards. Such fun! We even played charades once. That was hilarious (and a whole 'nother story)! In the evening as everyone is packing up the instruments some of them go outside and sing on the steps.

Sorry it is so dark but... well.. it was!
Please pray for AVI. I know they would appreciate it.

So much

I have learned so much while being here. From little things, like filling a syringe with PIT, checking heart tones, putting episiotomy and birth sets together to big things like administering PIT or vitamin K, actually delivering a baby and doing the newborn exam.
But I haven't only learned things in the natural or only related to midwifery. I think I have learned the most spiritually. But I haven't just learned these as head knowledge though, I have finally learned these with my heart.

I have learned that He won't make me give something up to follow Him... I have to being willing. But if I ask Him for His will, and really actually want it, I know He will help me to forsake all.

I have learned that no matter what a women in labor is feeling or no matter the language barrier, a smile really says it all.

I have learned to go beyond my comfort level in trying to speak their language and learning how to get from one place to another... He knows my weakness with directions!

I have learned that it doesn't matter what I look like to others, only what He sees matters... and believe me, He sees all!

I have learned that He really and truly loves me and wants me. Not because I have done anything to deserve it but simply because... well.. He loves me! It is simply amazing to be loved for no reason!

I have learned that there are always exceptions to the rules, in both midwifery and spiritually and the most important thing is to be led of the Spirit in all decisions.

I have learned that God always has a plan for me and if I will just stop and listen He will tell me.

I have learned that my family is a priceless treasure but that it must not become and idol for me... which is all too easy!

I have learned that there is nothing too hard for Him! Nothing!

I have learned so much more... this is just the tip of the iceberg. But one of the most important things I have learned is that He created me, every bit of me. And I am perfect in His sight. Do I fail in the natural? Yes. Am I perfect from the world's point of view? No. But to Him I am "As a lilley among thorns, so is my love among the daughters." (Ok,ok, so it really said lily.. not lilley)
That to me, is the most amazing, almost unbelievable, incredible,thing of all!

What about you?

A world-class concert pianist was approached by an admirer after a stunning performance. "I would give my life to play the way you played this evening," declared the adoring fan.

"I have given my life," responded the virtuoso.

What about you? What have you given your life for?

I want to give my life to Him, serving Him in whatever ways He sees fit. To be able to hear His voice whenever He speaks and to follow wherever He leads. To have a real relationship with the one who gave His life for me. I want to know Him, not know of or about Him.
I want my life to spur others on in their hunger for Him, just like others have done for me.

That's want I want to give my life for.

A Perfect Picture

For the first time I think I actually saw, not with my head (knowledge) but with my heart (understanding), just a small taste of how much He actually loves me.

This video was one of the links in the chain of events that helped me to really "see" His love. It is such an amazing picture of His love... I was so blessed by it. I cannot wait until the whole video comes out.

Every time I watch it I cry. This is how He feels for me and this is how I feel for Him. Knowing I belong to Him and am waiting for His return. So excited in the waiting!


I AM in Love

The Reel Show | MySpace Video

This is what I am waiting for. This is what I want in an earthly relationahip. To be treasured beyond measure... not because I am anything but simply because Jesus gave us to each other. I want our love and trust to grow stronger in the waiting. I want our marriage to be a picture of Christ's love for His bride. I want a man that is always going to love his Master better than he loves me.

But until God sends His choice to me I am content in the waiting, knowing that He loves me better than any man every could.
"... and who is a chosen man, that I may appoint over her? for who is like me? and who will appoint me the time?..." Jeremiah 49:19

Who is this really for?

A couple of days ago I was really struggling with something I thought the Lord was leading me to do.

And I was struggling because.... well, frankly... I didn't want to do it.

I felt like it would hurt too much, that it would be too hard, that it would be more than I could handle and I wasn't sure if it would be worth it.

I kept thinking, I'll do it for You Lord, but it's so hard. How is this supposed to fit in with my life? What is Your plan for this? How are You going to use it? I don't understand. It hurts already... just thinking about it. How can this be good for me?

Then on the way to church on Sunday, while I was really trying to lay this thing down I felt the presence of the Lord so strong in the taxi. I repented for ever doubting Him. Ok, I surrender... I'll do it for You. Whatever You ask, I will do because I know it will be worth it.

Then He reminded me, Who are you doing this for? Really, who are you doing this for? Don't you know that I work all things together for your good? You asked for My will in your life because you said you knew whatever I had for you it would be for your good. And that I knew you better then even you knew yourself. You said you believed I knew what was best for you... why are you doubting? Don't think you are doing this just for me. Really, in the end, you will be doing this for you.

Ouch... need I say I cried right there in the taxi?

I think I have finally realized that since I asked Him to direct my life, everything is going to be the best for me. Even though I am doing everything for His Glory, it is certaintly for my good too. Can you imagine? Once we surrender and give our lives to Him, wherever He leads is not only where we will be giving all glory and honor and power to Him but it is also God's best for us! What an amazing thought. No matter what it is... it is for God's glory and our good.

Besides, Jesus gave His life for me... the absolute least I can do is to give mine to Him.

The Story

On November 15th I worked night shift from 10pm-6am. It was a relatively busy night; postpartums, early labors, transports etc. All of the "baby-catchers" had labors and since I needed one more assist I was hoping one of them would deliver before 6am. Well, God had other plans.
Another labor came in and Carmen (my supervisor) said "Ok, Monika, all beds are full but you can check her in right here in the baby check area and when Jenna transports her labor to DMC (Davao Medical Center) you can have Bed 1."
I stood there looking at her and just kinda said "okkkaaaay."
She just smiled and handed me the chart.
So once she came out of the CR (Comfort Room aka bathroom) I checked her vitals at 12:27am. She was a G3 P1, meaning this was her 3rd pregnancy but has only delivered once before... she had a miscarriage with her first child.
All her vitals where normal and her contractions where about 1 min. apart, moderate-strong , lasting for about a min. Once we went into Bed 1 she wanted to push. She was so fast!
Baby was out at 1:18am with no complications.
A beautiful little girl named Jean Claire, 7lbs 13oz.
I was so busy doing the baby bath, baby exam, filling in all the info on the Birth Certificate, stablizing the mommy and moving them to post partum so thay could rest that I didn't finish it all until 6am!
After that I was like "I just caught a baby! I just caught a baby! I just caught a baby! I just caught a baby!" It was amazing! One of the girls got pictures so hopefully I will get them from her so I can post them soon.
God is much too good to me!

I caught my first baby! November 16th at 1:18am. A beautiful 7 lb 13 oz little girl!
God is so good!

Ouch

Growth, fruit.

It's what we all want, right?
Yet why do we complain when He puts us in the very situations that cause growth?

I only know this because...I am so guilty of this.

I asked Him to make me depend on Him and Him alone. So what does He do? He takes me half way around the world, where I know no one, where I can depend on no one, where there is no one to spiritually feed me and guess what?
I want to go home!

But deep down I know that this is the only way He is going to grow me right now.

I needed to go somewhere where I wasn't special, where I wasn't known, where I can't speak the language, where I am doing something I really know nothing about and am learning as I go, where I am not needed.

That's what is going to cause growth and fruit in my life. It's the winds and the rains, it's the hurricanes that prove the strength of the tree while making it stronger.

Don't get me wrong. I am thoroughly enjoying my time here. I have learned so much and have been so blessed in so many ways... this is just what has been on my heart... and it is so humbling realizing how prideful I really am.

So Lord, I really do thank You for all You have done to help me grow. Help me to learn and grow as You present new "trials". Thank you for humbling me and showing me the areas I need to grow in. You are so wonderful!

'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus...

Sometimes it can be very hard for me to trust. I want to know now if I am going to be doing this for 2 years in the Philippines or if I will study at home or if I am to study midwifery at all.

Lord, what is Your will? Where am I supposed to be and what am I supposed to be doing?

And the only thing I hear is: you are supposed to be right where you are doing just what you are doing. Live in today, not tomorrow. I will give you direction when you need it but for now just trust, rest, and step away from the window.

More Pictures

A little bundle of joy!

The clinic

The Cutlural show

Haha, a delicious bun

The falls

A cultural song and dance display

The Falls

Us at the Falls

Me on my bed in my room

A Change of Plans

Sometimes God has a way of getting us to a certain place just so He can take us somewhere else.


At least, that's what He has to do for me sometimes. I find that sometimes instead of just telling me what will happen or what I should do for this and then this, He only tells me what I need to know for now. Not next week or next month but just for now.



Jesus said "I have yet many things to say unto you, but ye cannot bear them now." (John 16:12)


That has been so true in my life. Especially on this trip.


If I had known that I would be saying until Dec. 3rd (7 weeks! )I know I would have had a hard time coming. I would have come, because He sent me, but He was gracious enough to go easy on me a little.



So what happened... why stay longer?



To be honest, I'm not really sure.



All I do know is that He wasn't finished with me here and that He did speak for me to stay longer. Other than that I am just as clueless as to why I am staying longer as you.


Sure, I am learning so much and meeting so many people... but there's more... I know it.



This trip has really been a sort of proving ground for me. Showing me what I am really made of. Both spiritually and physically. And some of the time... I don't like what I see. But I am so grateful that He loves me enough to show me where I need to grow... it can just be very humbling and frustrating. So often I feel like I should be should be "perfect" and then get upset with myself when I'm not. But I am learning to repent when I make a mistake and move on... I don't want to wallow in self-pity.

Pull up my boot straps and keep moving!



Oh, but back to how the longer stay came about.



Before I left Daddy stopped me and told me that if I needed more time when I got there that was ok. I was like "Ok, thanks but think a month will be long enough".

Then as my date of departure was coming closer and closer, I kept feeling like my time wasn't finished here yet.

But one thing the Lord had to soften my heart to was the idea of spending Thanksgiving away from my family. He slowly started to deal with me in that area by having me read Isaiah. I was reading through when I got to Isaiah 1:14 "... your appointed feasts my soul hateth: they are a trouble unto me: I am weary to bear them." and I just stopped and thought about Thanksgiving. Why do I put so much emphasis on the day? Why can't everyday be a day of thanksgiving? Please don't get me wrong. I love Thanksgiving and think it is a wonderful time for families to come together and fellowship. I just want to make sure that everyday is a day of thanksgiving, that it is a continual attitude of the heart not just an outward showing. And THAT'S what the Lord was showing me, that it isn't about that one day out of the year.

Another confirmation was rather.. well, humbling.
I asked the Lord for $50 and I asked Him to provide it that day.
Looking back, even though it was less then 24 hours, I can't believe I asked for that. But I wanted to be sure. This was a big deal for me as I didn't have extra money to change my flight tickets, which could be around $300, or to pay for the extra stay here and I just wanted to know that I was where He wanted me.

But I didn't feel what I normally felt when I needed to hear His voice... the striving, the frustration, the I-have-to-hear-Him-now-why-can't-I-hear-Him-I-must-be-doing-something-wrong feeling. I just felt peace, like I just knew He was going to speak to me. I even told Him, as I sat there praying and seeking Him, that I wasn't going to "try" to hear His voice in this matter. I knew I was His child and since I wanted and asked Him to show me where I was supposed to be, He would show me. Not because I "did something" to hear His voice, but simply because He loved me and knew all I wanted was His will. And in the mean time, I was supposed to trust and rest.
And you know what?

He gave it to me.

He not only gave me what I asked for but He doubled it!

And He didn't stop there.


... to be continued.

Ummm.. yeah.

I just took a shower... and complained cause it was hot.

I hope I remember that when I'm home in the winter taking a warm shower and don't have water pressure.

Kinda puts it in perspective... and makes me feel very silly.

Too Rich?

So lately I have been thinking a lot about broccoli because... well, I am just like it.








I had been reading a gardening magazine (while brushing my teeth... why does He always seem to speak to me then? Hhhhmm... maybe cause that's when I'm quiet?) and I was reading an article on using leaf mulch as the only soil and the author of the article was saying how his beans didn't do well because the soil was too rich. "Too rich? How could soil be too rich?" I thought.
Then I remembered another article I had read about broccoli and how the first year the author had tried to grow it, it did wonderful but the second year it did horrible and he didn't know why. Then he figured out the he had fertilized it so much the second year that the broccoli never felt threatened and so never went to seed. It never brought forth true life.



Wow.



Doesn't that sound like my life?


Only when I feel like I am "threatened", when I have to make a "big" decision, or do something "important" or really just get out of my comfort zone in some way or another, only then do I really produce any seed or fruit.



There is a difference between growth and fruit. All trees produce leaves but only some produce fruit. There is a difference both in the life of trees as well as a life of a christian. So often I mistake my leaves of growth for blossoms of fruit. And don't get me wrong, growth is wonderful and important but Jesus didn't say, you will know them by their growth. No, He said you would know them by their fruit.



I felt like God has been saying that that is what this trip would be like. I would have to rely on Him and Him alone for everything. And through that, I would produce fruit and seed that would bless and bring life to others, as well as to myself.




So right now, I thank you Lord, for taking me out of my rich comfort zone and placing me in a zone of growth. Don't let me miss what You have for me. Direct each step I take, I belong to You. And want to grow up to be just like You!

Sunday Nov. 1st

So today

was a full day.

I worked night on Sat. from 10pm-6am. I got to assist for the first time at 1:41am on Nov 1st. It was wonderful! I was very nervous... didn't feel totally prepared but the supervisor and other midwives were so encouraging and said they would help if I needed it. I was praying for an uncomplicated, slow, peaceful birth. God is so good He gave it to me!

The mother was so peaceful she smiled and joked in between contractions. The baby was beautiful and only needed bulb suctioning with an apgar score of 9 (which is really good, 10 being the best). The placenta came out with no problems and she didn't hemorrhage, a common problem here, at least lately anyway.

After running on an adrenaline high for a couple of hours I crashed on the couch at 4:30am and woke up at 6am. After endorsements and breakfast I took a nap f or 3 hours and then got to talk to my family on Skype. Thank God for Skype!

Then I went to church for the rest of the service and met up with Maricel, a Filipino woman I met last Sunday. We went to lunch and then went to her violin lesson, which ended up being cancelled but we had a wonderful time talking and playing together. She could play Mississippi Hotdog and Twinkle so I taught her Amazing Grace. She picked it up really quick and was so excited to play a Hymn... she really has a heart for worship.

After I got back to the Orange House Krys came and picked up some of us girls that wanted to play Ultimate Frisbee, which the play every Sunday afternoon. I had never played and was rather nervous... I didn't even know how to play. But it was so fun! Another favorite sport!

We came home tired and sweaty. It was so hot everyone was drenched in sweat... welcome to the Philippines! :-)

Then, after showering, Amber, Joy, Carmen, and I worshiped together for awhile. We even played some songs in Visayan. New goal: learn to actually sing them!

We also sang Above All and it almost brought me to tears. As soon as I heard the first words I was taken down memory lane to the first wedding that Vicky and I danced in. We did that song and it seemed like just yesterday. I can't believe it has been almost 7 years since then.

The BOOM... OK, so it wasn't that loud but it was loud as the rain fell in torrents. We had to almost yell to hear each other over the noise. It was wonderful. And it cooled things off for the evening.

So that was my day.... and I thoroughly enjoyed it!