Saturday, September 5, 2009

So Long, Farewell....

...well, not exactly. :-)

I will be leaving mid October to intern for a month with Newlife International School of Midwifery in the Philippines.

It is going to be exciting, scary and most of all stretching.
I can't believe I am really going. Please pray for me that God would guide and provide the perfect travel plans. I don't want to waiver or doubt in this moment. I have made enough mistakes already and want only what the Lord wants for my life. Years ago I decided that since the Lord gave His life for me the least I could do was to give Him my life. So here I am today, following where He is leading even if I don't really see or understand why.

But then if I could see and understand it wouldn't be trusting, now would it?

How silly I can be sometimes.... most of the time. :-)
Why shouldn't I trust my Maker? It is absolutely mind-boggling to think that I would know better then the Lord of all the Earth how to handle any situation. But that's what I am doing. When I don't trust, when I don't do or say what He has told me then I am acting like I know best. The truth is that the Lord said "He would never leave me nor forsake me" and that " all things work together for good" for me! Everything. Everything.

I can see myself now:

"Wow Lord! You are so amazing! Look at the awesomeness of all you have created, from the magnitude of the Heavens to the depth of the oceans. You are wonderful. Words don't even begin to describe. I surrender my life to You. I want what you want in every area of my life."

God: "You have said it."

Me: "Umm... (nervous laugh) what are You doing?"

God: "Exactly what you asked for, My will."

Me: "What are you crazy!? That's not what I wanted.. I mean what You wanted. You gave me these dreams, these desires, right? Aren't they part of Your will? What are You doing with them?!"

God: "Until you let go of them you will always be in subjection to them instead of to Me. If they are part of My plan I will restore: pressed down, shaken, and running over."

Me: "But... (sniffle) I can't. I've built my life on them. I don't want to let go. They are a comfort zone to me. I can always run to them. You can't be doing this for my good. It hurts too much."

God: "I know. So many times I have wanted to comfort you with a peace that will never leave you but you have run to other things, other people. Will you surrender? Will you give your life for Me just as I have given it for you? Will you pray as Jesus, Not my will but Thine be done?"

Lord, sometimes the way has seemed hard, that You were asking too much but you haven't. Help me to always die to my fleshly desires and to serve You in anyway You see fit. My all I do and all I say draw others to You. I want to be like the moon and reflect the Son's light, having no light of it's own.


Josh said...

Yes and Amen, that was beautiful. I'll be praying His will and Peace for you on this journey.

fruitfuljenn said...

I'm so excited for you, Monika, and will definitely be praying. I love your blog posts. You have wisdom and maturity beyond your years.