Keep Pedaling

"Go! Great Job! That is so good!" The excited words and smile on my face easily showed my joy and happiness as did the tongue out and concentrated look on her face show her determination as she tried for the first time to pedal.
Today Berty learned to ride her first bike while Ruby learned to ride her first bike without training wheels. Everyone gathered to watch as they proudly showed off their new skills. As I video taped this new chapter of their lives I realized I was also closing one.

Tears fill my eyes as I write this.
Simply thinking of the time when they will no longer snuggle on the couch to read with me or want to sleep in "Mon-ah's" room fills my heart with sadness.
Pretty soon we won't need to push strollers anymore. Pretty soon they won't need me to hold them or play with them.
Change is hard.
But what won't change is that they will always be my brothers and sisters. I hope they will always need me just like I need them.
They may grow up but they will never be too big to be my brothers and sisters... my family... my friends. That will never change.
I may mourn my "loss" with my siblings growing up. I may not always like the way things change but I know it's all part of His plan.
 Through the hard times of change I can look forward to the day when we will walk and work and fellowship together as adults... as best friends... as family.

And that's something to keep pedaling for.

Let it go

I had been so tense.
Hadn't even realized how much I was carrying until I let it all go.
So much had been going on... frustration, joy, anger, sorrow, hope, hopelessness, misunderstandings...feeling as though my life was stuck on a roller coaster that wouldn't stop. I finally let go and cried. They were tears of sorrow, anger and self pity.

After my little internal tantrum I felt ashamed but better. In some way I felt the Lord standing there listening to the questions, statements of anger, beggings, pleadings, complaints, discontent, confusion, and self hatred running through my head. He was staring at me, watching me as I struggled to understand everything. I was looking for the shame and disgustion I had thought would show on His face. Instead, His face showed sorrow and almost helplessness, like He wanted to explain and show me how everything is and will be fitting into my life but couldn't. I saw Him reach His arms out and hold me as only the True Lover can. In His embrace I found everything I needed... not everything I wanted or wanted to know but instead it was everything I needed...which was simply to be reminded how much He loves me and has plans for me.
And that was enough.

A new little Lilley

Jason Eli Lilley

Born: Oct. 14th at 9:11pm

8lbs 3oz

Temptations

"Temptation in itself is not sin; it is something we are bound to face simply by virtue of being human....temptation comes to me, suggesting a possible shortcut to the realization of my highest goal... when I yield to it, I have made lust a god, and the temptation itself becomes proof that it was only my own fear that prevented me from falling into the sin earlier....temptation is not something we can escape; in fact, it is essential to the well-rounded life of a person....God does not save us from tempations- He sustains us in the midst of them."
-from My Upmost for His Highest

Something so satisfying in eating homemade peanut butter and homemade jelly on homemade bread... mmhh!
~Worth It All~

Still here!

Yes! We are all alive and doing well. Life seems to just keep going!

I am looking forward to a little bit of slowing down in May and will hopefully get to write a little more then... ha. But I can always hope! :-)

This is how I have been feeling a lot lately.... thank goodness He is always there and so forgiving!

And I would so love to learn to play this on the uke!