“And your defect is a propensity to hate everybody.” Elizabeth Bennet

“And yours,” he replied, with a smile, “is wilfully to misunderstand them.” Mr. Darcy

Thinking...

I have been thinking about James 1:2-4 a lot lately.
My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;

3 Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.
4 But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.

Or

2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.


These verses have always been special to me. I have had almost the entire 1st chapter memorized since I was 16 but only in the path month of so have they seemed to echo in my head and heart.
"Count it all joy...." really?? He doesn't ask for us to tolerate it or even be grateful for it. He wants us to see whatever we are going through as something to be happy about?? Something we are joyful for???

"... but let patience have her perfect work... that you may be complete, not lacking anything." Patience will make me complete? So that's what I am missing in my life? I see it now... everything I struggle with can be traced to a lack of patience. When I get frustrated, when I'm angry, when I'm discontent, when I'm (fill in the blank), it's all because I'm not being patient.

Wow... it's so simple... and yet I still haven't gotten it down.

Keep Pedaling

"Go! Great Job! That is so good!" The excited words and smile on my face easily showed my joy and happiness as did the tongue out and concentrated look on her face show her determination as she tried for the first time to pedal.
Today Berty learned to ride her first bike while Ruby learned to ride her first bike without training wheels. Everyone gathered to watch as they proudly showed off their new skills. As I video taped this new chapter of their lives I realized I was also closing one.

Tears fill my eyes as I write this.
Simply thinking of the time when they will no longer snuggle on the couch to read with me or want to sleep in "Mon-ah's" room fills my heart with sadness.
Pretty soon we won't need to push strollers anymore. Pretty soon they won't need me to hold them or play with them.
Change is hard.
But what won't change is that they will always be my brothers and sisters. I hope they will always need me just like I need them.
They may grow up but they will never be too big to be my brothers and sisters... my family... my friends. That will never change.
I may mourn my "loss" with my siblings growing up. I may not always like the way things change but I know it's all part of His plan.
 Through the hard times of change I can look forward to the day when we will walk and work and fellowship together as adults... as best friends... as family.

And that's something to keep pedaling for.

Let it go

I had been so tense.
Hadn't even realized how much I was carrying until I let it all go.
So much had been going on... frustration, joy, anger, sorrow, hope, hopelessness, misunderstandings...feeling as though my life was stuck on a roller coaster that wouldn't stop. I finally let go and cried. They were tears of sorrow, anger and self pity.

After my little internal tantrum I felt ashamed but better. In some way I felt the Lord standing there listening to the questions, statements of anger, beggings, pleadings, complaints, discontent, confusion, and self hatred running through my head. He was staring at me, watching me as I struggled to understand everything. I was looking for the shame and disgust I had thought would show on His face. Instead, His face showed sorrow and almost helplessness, like He wanted to explain and show me how everything is and will be fitting into my life but couldn't. I saw Him reach His arms out and hold me as only the True Lover can. In His embrace I found everything I needed... not everything I wanted or wanted to know but instead it was everything I needed...which was simply to be reminded how much He loves me and has plans for me.
And that was enough.

Temptations

"Temptation in itself is not sin; it is something we are bound to face simply by virtue of being human....temptation comes to me, suggesting a possible shortcut to the realization of my highest goal... when I yield to it, I have made lust a god, and the temptation itself becomes proof that it was only my own fear that prevented me from falling into the sin earlier....temptation is not something we can escape; in fact, it is essential to the well-rounded life of a person....God does not save us from tempations- He sustains us in the midst of them."
-from My Upmost for His Highest