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Friday, October 28, 2011

Let it go

I had been so tense.
Hadn't even realized how much I was carrying until I let it all go.
So much had been going on... frustration, joy, anger, sorrow, hope, hopelessness, misunderstandings...feeling as though my life was stuck on a roller coaster that wouldn't stop. I finally let go and cried. They were tears of sorrow, anger and self pity.

After my little internal tantrum I felt ashamed but better. In some way I felt the Lord standing there listening to the questions, statements of anger, beggings, pleadings, complaints, discontent, confusion, and self hatred running through my head. He was staring at me, watching me as I struggled to understand everything. I was looking for the shame and disgust I had thought would show on His face. Instead, His face showed sorrow and almost helplessness, like He wanted to explain and show me how everything is and will be fitting into my life but couldn't. I saw Him reach His arms out and hold me as only the True Lover can. In His embrace I found everything I needed... not everything I wanted or wanted to know but instead it was everything I needed...which was simply to be reminded how much He loves me and has plans for me.
And that was enough.

3 comments:

derstine family said...

yes, same boat..... yes Jesus loves me...even when I'm still me <3 Love you and miss you guys

Tracey said...

This is so passionate. Thanks for sharing such heartfelt emotions through your blog. I was just cruising the blog world and came across your site at random.

I would love to invite you to share this exact post or another inspirational moment on a website that collections these experiences. www.agreatplace.ca. If you're chosen as a feature, you could reference this blog. Thanks again for putting kind thoughts into the world.

Monika said...

Lucy, Miss and love you too! hope you all are doing great... we have been praying!

Tracey: Thank you! I am very interested and will look into it. Thanks so much for stopping by!