Really?

I was talking to an older friend yesterday when the conversation turned to a mutual friend of ours and they said in passing "I don't know them very well". The conversation changed again and I didn't think about it 'till later but it struck me as odd. This friend had been going to our church for over 5 years, he is an active member and is definitely not very quiet! He has helped my older friend's family move to a new house, has helped with yard work multiple times and has gone out to eat and hung out with them and yet they can say honestly that they don't know him very well.

It really makes me sad but it also makes me stop and check my heart.

Why didn't they know him very well? Why don't I know some people better? I felt like the Lord showed me 2 reasons why.

1) They just didn't really care about him and what was going on in his life. But they know who to call when they need help. Why? Because they know what he can offer them more than they knew who he is. I know that might sound harsh but I'm being honest. It hurts to say but I have been on both sides of the situation.

2) Neither he nor they would be real. They wouldn't let the walls down. It seems to be an epidemic in churches nowadays. You can't show them who you really are for fear or rejection. Being transparent and real means leaving yourself vulnerable. You open yourself up. Now granted, you shouldn't do that with everyone and there are parts of you that only the Lord need know. But the church is beyond that. We have gotten to a place that we can't even show our smallest faults or problems for fear of gossip or rejection, and I'm sorry but that's not the sort of fellowship the Lord left us with. The words to the Casting Crowns song, Stained Glass Masquerade, ring so true:

Is there anyone that fails


Is there anyone that falls

Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small



Cause when I take a look around

Everybody seems so strong

I know they'll soon discover

That I don't belong



So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay

If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too

So with a painted grin, I play the part again

So everyone will see me the way that I see them



Are we happy plastic people

Under shiny plastic steeples

With walls around our weakness

And smiles to hide our pain

But if the invitation's open

To every heart that has been broken

Maybe then we close the curtain

On our stained glass masquerade



Is there anyone who's been there

Are there any hands to raise

Am I the only one who's traded

In the altar for a stage



The performance is convincing

And we know every line by heart

Only when no one is watching

Can we really fall apart


These are my favorite lines of the song and have rung so true in my life:
But would it set me free

If I dared to let you see

The truth behind the person

That you imagine me to be



Would your arms be open

Or would you walk away

Would the love of Jesus

Be enough to make you stay


I have tried so hard ( I really don't need to... my faults are quite easy to see) to be real in a fake world. I want to be a clear glass, not a frosted one.
These thoughts haven't made me judge what my friend has said but instead made me check my heart and my motives in friendships. I want to know my friends, not what they can do for me.