A couple of days ago I was really struggling with something I thought the Lord was leading me to do.
And I was struggling because.... well, frankly... I didn't want to do it.
I felt like it would hurt too much, that it would be too hard, that it would be more than I could handle and I wasn't sure if it would be worth it.
I kept thinking, I'll do it for You Lord, but it's so hard. How is this supposed to fit in with my life? What is Your plan for this? How are You going to use it? I don't understand. It hurts already... just thinking about it. How can this be good for me?
Then on the way to church on Sunday, while I was really trying to lay this thing down I felt the presence of the Lord so strong in the taxi. I repented for ever doubting Him. Ok, I surrender... I'll do it for You. Whatever You ask, I will do because I know it will be worth it.
Then He reminded me, Who are you doing this for? Really, who are you doing this for? Don't you know that I work all things together for your good? You asked for My will in your life because you said you knew whatever I had for you it would be for your good. And that I knew you better then even you knew yourself. You said you believed I knew what was best for you... why are you doubting? Don't think you are doing this just for me. Really, in the end, you will be doing this for you.
Ouch... need I say I cried right there in the taxi?
I think I have finally realized that since I asked Him to direct my life, everything is going to be the best for me. Even though I am doing everything for His Glory, it is certaintly for my good too. Can you imagine? Once we surrender and give our lives to Him, wherever He leads is not only where we will be giving all glory and honor and power to Him but it is also God's best for us! What an amazing thought. No matter what it is... it is for God's glory and our good.
Besides, Jesus gave His life for me... the absolute least I can do is to give mine to Him.